my soul is dying

I don't know how much longer I can hold on to the way things are going. My soul is slowly dying. 

I need to change my career 

tonight was weird

Tonight was mostly a normal night.  Ryan and I went wine walking. Was normal enough. He didn't win at the raffle. We ate at Thai Corner for dinner. I had delicious boba. 

We stopped at Pizza Reno to go drink a bit more before going to Jackie's party. Ryan almost wanted to go home. We got in an argument about it. Fabian came back and got us anyway. 

So we got there a little bit after 9pm. We drank shots. Played Mario Kart on tiny console. I even played bartender. Ryan and Michael were playing beer pong when Fabian decided to head out. They were a few games undefeated. Jackie and I decided to play to see if we could beat them. We beat them!!! Woohoo! We even had a few runs of balls back where we kept getting the shots in! It was nuts! We all shook hands and then we challenged other people to take us on. One of the ones who wanted to play was Herman. He had a man bun. Fabian and I had started to play the circle game w him where if you made the hand gesture below the waist and the other person looked, they would have to do 2 push ups. It was a kickboxing thing. Fabian and Jackie were kickboxing friends. I had gotten Herman a few times throughout the night. 

Anyway Herman stepped up and new friend Louisa was his girlfriend.. sort of. So we called her over but she didn't want to play beer pong w him. Instead she played Mario Kart w a few others. Jackie and I also won against Herman and Ryan - who replaced Louisa as his teammate. We won! And so to celebrate we decided to do shots. Jackie didn't want shots but the 2 boys and myself did. We took a shot of peppermint schnapps. Then Herman got behind the bar and pretended to be the bartender. He was supposed to make me a martini since the only drinks left were gin and vermouth and tequila with a bunch of soda as mixers. But he kept trying to mix wrong things! I was yelling at him for not making me a martini. 

Then out of nowhere Louisa storms across the big room and tells at me for flirting w her boyfriend. She was pulled away by Jackie but 2nd round she yelled at me and throws her drink at Herman. Drama rama! She was in the bathroom with Jackie almost until we had to leave. If we had left sooner we could have missed a 3rd run in with her but we helped take decorations and lights down before we left! Oof we should have just left!

That was STRESSFUL

Well that was stressful! My phone was acting up because its cracked backside. I really shouldn't have brought it tonight and should have asked Ry if I could borrow his. It was 2 min without music in class and girls were saying "it's weird because we can hear each other breathing."

I just filed a claim for a new phone so it should arrive within a few days. It was just stressful. And trying to get back to coaching after that .. just felt off. But luckily the girls are amazing and didn't complain too much and hung in there. They said it was a hard workout so that's something! I'm hoping it only got better after my phone turned off. Jessica loaned me her phone for a bit so that was super nice. I'm going to use Ryan's phone tomorrow for sure.

I found the word

2 posts ago I was speaking of a post coaching high. I realize what this feeling is: empowered.

I feel empowered when I help empower others. It is an amazing feeling!

That is all.

::mic drop::

Today was a good day

Today was definitely long. I had to pay for maintenance for my truck and so there goes my Hawaii spending money. Ha!

Had to make the effort to pick that truck up as soon as I made myself eat breakfast and was ready at 8am. Also I had to find my classroom today as I started school again. I'm going to take it easy but from 9am to 2pm I will be in drawing class on Fridays. I haven't been in school for at least a decade. It was time. Well no. I guess I took Spanish after I graduated but either way. It has been quite some time!

So I had to book it back north after picking up my truck. I figured Safeway would have a sketch book as I wasn't sure what to bring to a drawing class. And got some water there. Made it to TMCC and was only 3 minutes late. If I had looked up the room number while Ry drove me to my truck I would have made it on time but c'est la vie..

I learned about foreshortening.. and sighting.. I have to say.. sighting is kind of hard.. It takes patience. But if you want to be good at it, you need to do it.. it's all about ratios.. how big is this thing next to this thing.. and how many sizes is it away from it.. and what is the angle this thing from that thing.. its neat.. I never thought there would be technique to art.. but of course I never took art.. and took it for granted..until now 😅

Then I had to go home and eat.. and get ready to coach Kaia dance. Coaching dance is so hard at times because you have to know what's next and if you aren't paying attention.. it creeps up on you.. I loved tonight tho.. 80s themed for Hell week.. aptly we ended w my ab song: highway to hell.. hahaha I think that's also 80s song is it not ?

I miss my dad. I know he is physically gone but I also know from days like these where I'm smiling all day that he's looking out and is part of my joy. I finally feel like I'm getting back to my old self again. Today was a long day. It was a scary day. But it was a good day as well.

Post coaching high

I wonder if other coaches experience this post coaching high that I seem to be on tonight. It was and still is electric. This feeling that you get when girls are having a blast while working out. I haven't felt it this strong in a good while.

Is it the endorphins of working out? Or is that you are serving others in a way that helps them be better with their health, body, and mind. When I'm being a nurse, I think I'm helping people, but sometimes it feels an awful like being a glorified pill pusher. I always encourage my patients to live a healthier life but sometimes it's like pulling teeth. Someone comes in because they can't breathe. You encourage them to stop smoking but they really just want you to get them over this hump at this moment. When they get home, they will light that cigarette again. But when you're coaching, it's different. It's this real thing. You're helping mold people and their way of looking at their wellbeing. They WANT knowledge about quinoa or essential vitamins and how to squat properly without hurting themselves. They want to be pre emptive about their health and aging - physical, emotional and spiritually. They don't want to stick a bandaid on and be better just for this session. It amazes me how one class can just revive me.

I want more! Let me help you. Let me make you move. I want more. I'm thirsty for more of this healthy lifestyle. Give me more!!!

Getting back into things

Last week I was flu ridden.. it was really just terrible and I feel like it's a waste of time. I know sickness doesn't discriminate or care if I think it's a waste of time but I have goals to hit damnit! Thursday was particularly bad with the coughing and just barely able to eat.

I'm back now. I took a double class tonight but still holding back just a tad. The cough is lingering and I don't know if I'm going to be 100% for Friday. I'm co-coaching a 90 minute dance workout for our Kaia Grand Re-opening. I don't know if I should invite Ry. It won't have a ton of guys and it's also dance. But I also want him to see me coach. He will probably say no. But I guess I won't know unless I ask.

Seems like a sensitive topic. I want people to see me coach but I also don't want to be judged. Is that strange? I want to show people my passion but I also don't want to be judged about it. Especially by Ry.

I want him to be proud but I don't want him to think its dumb. 🤣 we shall see.

Pull-ups

It was "benchmark" day today AKA fit test day.. which is reworded so people aren't getting as anxious about getting tested. It is what it is. Pullups today.. 50 pullups in 3:16. 30 on the purple band and 20 on the TRX as rows. I gave myself a break from pullups as as goal from last BRIK. I've definitely regressed as last BRIK I was on the black band or no band. But w anything, if you don't practice you get rusty. We shall conquer them another day. I'll try to keep up w my 10 daily from Ry's pullup contraption. If I ever clean out the Christmas decorations, I'll hang my yoga swing that I got for Christmas in our living room. My mom will have a heart attack if she ever saw it. It would technically be between dining area and living room. I need to get on that! Urgency!

Begin again

Yesterday morning was BRIK orientation. It's my 16th one to date. The quote Scarlett read really hit home.. I don't quite remember the wording but essentially it was if you keep doing the same thing, you won't get anywhere new. I feel like each BRIK is blending w the last. So after orientation, I went to kickboxing which is another one of my loves. They were just signing people up for the 6 week challenge. Which I don't even know why I did it, but I said 'fuck it' and signed up for the challenge. I was hungry and sweaty but who knows what the hell I've gotten myself into. Jess made us write down our pre-written affirmations repeating the words "I'm badass" at least 3 times and I mostly believe it. Fake it til you make it right? Then it took awhile but got before pictures taken. Dru took them and tried to make me feel less awkward about it. I felt exposed. I shouldn't be weird about it. I tell women they need to have positive dialogue with regards to their bodies - why is it so hard to believe it myself to my own body (or at least my belly). Then another hour of waiting for Jess to have a one on one. I feel like she shouldn't be the only one doing those but its her baby to champion.

To new beginnings. And to finishing them with full speed. Just as swiftly and with urgency as I've started. "Urgency" is going to be my mantra for this year. Live it like it's going to be my last.

Injuries suck!

So right now, my left heel has been hurting due to a heel spur, plantar fasciitis, or a little from both. I'm not supposed to be running on it. Oh man, it is SO HARD to not run in Kaia! My heart hurts (not literally) from having to power walk and not able to run with my tribe. Honestly, I can definitely run with them. The next day, my heel reminds me that I should not have.

My primary care doctor has prescribed my some physical therapy. It's helping quite a bit! I'm sure the resting part is also doing its job. But that's the hardest part of all of this - the resting part. I think if you've been in Kaia for any lengths of time, you're bound to have tried our high impact Kaia level. The hard part is controlling what I do, or don't do in this level. Sure, it seems to push you harder than all the other levels, but if you truly need to rest your body, why are you pushing it?!

This past week's Fit Tip was great! It talks about "being brave enough to slow down your movements and commit to focusing on the balance level of each exercise. Work on good form and full range of motion." This is exactly what I need to work on. For some reason, as a Kaia vet, we think our Kaia sisters will think less of us if we slow it down, like we're going to be less of an athlete if we do balance level. Sometimes, we need to break it down in order to build it back up. 

With speed, sometimes, we compromise form. It's not good - when FORM goes out the window, you know who shows up: INJURIES. So even if we have to bite down our pride, we should all practice getting back to balance form, executing perfect form, using those mirrors placed FOR US - in order to visualize if we are doing something correctly or just going through the motion, and lastly, listen to your Kaia coaches! Sometimes, as vets, we don't want to hear that we're not doing something in perfect form - that little voice in my head says, "Well damn! I've been here so long, I KNOW what I'm doing." I'm here to tell you that your coach might see something that you might not and we're not just walking around correcting form for 'shits and giggles'. With LOVE, we are here to help reduce injury, & reduce exercise downtime, so YOU don't get stuck having to walk/powerwalk like I have to.

Take it from me, slow it down, take it to Balance Level, and perfect that exercise before adding speed, weight or injuries!

Detox Week Tip

I was at work this past week and a patient's family member had brought in doughnuts and coffee to thank the staff, just as BRIK had started. I mean, literally, BRIK started hours before. We had orientation on Saturday and I worked Sunday night. I was really good though, and stayed away from eating any doughnuts and drinking any coffee as one of my absolute NO's is caffeine for this BRIK.

It was a mistake to take a photo of said doughnuts and coffee. It was on my brain ALL night long. And I work 12 hour shifts! Do me a favor: DO NOT do what I just did.

Reverse psychology works on a lot of people but if you're trying NOT to eat something and you tell yourself "NO - NEVER!" I feel like it makes me want that item more! Dangle this dangerous "dare" in front of me, and I don't know if I'm going to succeed, or setting myself up for failure. 

Nothing is ever 100%. I mean, by telling myself that I cannot have caffeine for the whole BRIK, I pretty much have coffee on my brain all the time. I'm not fond of doughnuts at all, but by putting it on the "NO list", I wanted that doughnut more! Don't put hard limits to your nutrition. It can only set you up for failure UNLESS you are VERY VERY DISCIPLINED (::cough:: Caren!)

So do me a favor and for Detox week, try LESSENING those dirty habits instead of banning them altogether. It might just be me, but I feel like diving into cutting everything out can be overwhelming and can set you up to fail pretty quickly. Ease yourself into this warm bath by choosing healthier food to crowd out the junk food. Slow and steady wins the race! Or in my case, not diving into a box of doughnuts when no one else is looking!

PAPAYA smoothy!!

PAPAYA smoothy!! 

1. When buying papayas choose fruit that

• is at least partly yellow
• gives slightly when pressed
• has smooth skin
• bruises free

2. When making smoothies

• remove skin
• remove seeds from middle
• I like to cut mine up in little pieces then put in the freezer for later use

Papaya Smoothie Recipe

• 1 to 2 cups of your liquid ( organic soy milk, organic almond milk, organic rice milk or organic low fat milk )
• 1/2 cup of your cream ( Organic natural yogurt )
• 2 to 3 cups of frozen fruit. (can be papaya)
• Cruhed ice – if not using frozen fruit

Other add-on fruits which go well with papaya for mixed smoothies are:

• kiwi
• pineapple
• mango

Hariyali Chicken Tikka

 Hariyali Chicken Tikka

 Ingredients

• 5 garlic cloves
• 1 green chili pepper
• 2 cups cilantro leaves
• 4 cups mint leaves
• 1 tablespoon cumin powder
• 1/2 green bell pepper
• 1 scallion (use the white and light green park only)
• 1 tablespoon vegetables or 1 tablespoon canola oil and more for grilling
• 4 chicken breasts (chicken tenders)
• kosher salt
• fresh lemon juice

 

Directions

1. In a food processor/blender, mix cilantro leaves, mint leaves, scallion, bell pepper, cumin powder, green chili and garlic cloves.
2. Add oil to the above mixture and blend to form a smooth paste.
3. Remove the prepared green mixture in to a zip lock bag along with the chicken tenders.
4. Seal the bag and massage the marinade in to the chicken tenders. Place this bag in the refrigerator overnight or for at least ten hours.
5. Use skewers to place the marinated chicken tenders. Sprinkle salt on each side of them.
6. Heat the grill and rub it with some oil. Place the skewers on it to get grill marks on each side and cook until the chicken is done.
7. Drizzle some fresh lemon juice and enjoy with your favorite dipping sauce and loved ones!

Tips: If salt is added in the marinade, it will extract moisture from the vegetables and leaves. This will result in a watery marinade, which is not desired.

Carbonated Water: Healthier than Soda or Myth?

There are different types of carbonated water. It seems that people are substituting carbonated water as a healthier alternative to soda. 


Here are the different types:

• Club Soda: carbonated water with sodium

• Seltzer: carbonated water without sodium

• Tonic Water: contains calories from sugar/sweeteners

• Flavored Sparkling Water: often contains additives including sweeteners, caffeine, citric acid, calories, vitamins, and minerals

• Soda Stream: unless you add to it, this is strictly carbonated water choice

Here is what evidence based follow ups suggest:

1. Calcium loss in bones. Sodas are linked with lower bone mineral density, which might come from the phosphoric acid (phosphorus is important in building strong bones) and caffeine. Caffeine is known to interfere with absorption of calcium. Plain carbonated water lacks both caffeine and phosphorus! Yay to not losing more calcium in bones!






2. Tooth Decay. Reading the label is important: Anything with SUGAR, or CITRIC ACID, or PHOSPHORIC ACID may lead to erosion of tooth enamel which will eventually lead to tooth decay. By taking slices of enamel and immersing them in different soft drinks for six, 24, and 48 hours, Poonam Jain at Souther Illinois University School of Dental Medicine demonstrated that enamel does begin to erode. However, if it's just plain carbonated water (no sugar, no citric acid, or phosphoric acid), through adding pressurized carbon dioxide to plain water, will NOT cause tooth decay. So read your labels!





3. Weight gain. My advice: read your labels! They are your friends! Sweeteners and fake sugars are a big no-no. Your body does not recognize these sugars and cannot break it down as easily so it stores it for later which leads to weight gain. So if you're drinking carbonated sparkling water, look for ones without extra sweeteners. Plain carbonated water should be fine! If you have soda stream, you can always add natural flavors like lemon or herbal tea to the mix instead of adding pre-packaged soda flavors!




4. Bloating & IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). Club soda includes sodium into the mix. Too much of a good thing can be bad, as too much sodium can cause an increase in GI (gastro-intestinal) motility. Carbonation may cause bloating and gas which can lead to IBS.




5. Feeling of fullness. This can be good or bad. Registered dietitian Ruth Frenchman recommends that you should avoid carbonated water after a workout as you might not hydrate properly if you are feeling full already. On the other hand, if you are trying to eat less, maybe drinking carbonated water before meals might be okay so you feel full sooner, and may eat proper food portions.

When you miss a class..

Remember that if you miss a workout, you can always burn calories in different ways throughout the day by adding extra exercises to your daily routine:

- adding squats while loading and unloading laundry, showering, cooking in front of the stove etc.

- while waiting in line: tighten your abs and do 12 side crunches each side (it will look like you're stretching your back while in line)

- carrying grocery bags? you can always add some bicep curls (lift bags by behind elbows, palms towards face) or lateral flies (shopping bag on each side, lift arms straight out to the side)

- parking away from said store, or doctor's office and walking further rather than parking close and walking only a little bit

- going to the 2nd or 3rd floor? Let's take the stairs! Better yet, jog up the stairs! (I like to have a race with myself - call me crazy! Ready set go!)

- I like to do calf raises while brushing my teeth sometimes, or even in the shower - assuming you take those.

- Watching TV? Why not stretch those legs out while watching the tube? 

- Grabbing a tennis ball under a side table or something low to the ground? My husband does a push-up on his way up from retrieving such small items. Why not do 5 while you're down there?!

-Waiting at a stop sign or red light in your car? Let's tighten down low and get some kegels in! That way when you do some tuck jumps, you won't feel like having to use the bathroom like sometimes do! 

- Baking something in the oven? Hold that squat low for 10 seconds before retrieving that turkey/baked sweet potatoe fries/whatever..

- Washing dishes? Might be awkward but come into a plie squat while in front of the sink..

- Have a baby? There's an exercise in itself! Lay on your back and do some arm work with your cutie.

- Are you next to a wall, waiting for the printer at work? Do some wall push-ups while waiting.

All these things don't have to be big, or even that many, but each little thing adds up in your day. So remember, it might look like you're a crazy person, but it's better than missing a workout entirely.

Why do we treat our bodies so terribly?

I'm currently detoxing deeply. In other words, I'm withdrawing from my chemical dependence from caffeine, sugar, and dairy. My body screams for caffeine. I'm working night shift and I'm jonesing for some coffee!!! It's all I can think about. It's what my headache blares in the back of my eye - a creepy chant of "Where's my coffee? Where's my coffee?" while placing small pinpricks of pain to the back of my skull. A bit melo-dramatic but it's true.

A thought occurred to me. I wouldn't be in this predicament if only I didn't put my body through this chemical depedence in the first place.

Why do we do the things we do to our bodies? We only get one. Why do we insist on mistreating it like we get new ones every other weekend like outfits. We don't. We get one body for this lifetime. We should take care of it. We should nurture it.

Traveling? Just get to a WALL

Here's a workout you can do as long as you have a wall nearby:


Facing the wall:
12 - Wall push-ups (hands on wall, do a push up)

12 - handstand kick-ups (hands on floor, kick legs up to vertical, alternating lead leg)
12 - volley ball blocks (jump up and touch wall with fingertips)





Get down:
12 - bridge hip raises (facing wall with feet on wall, back to floor, raise hips up)


12 - reach for the sky (facing wall, legs vertical against wall, reaching up for feet)
12 - single leg bridge hip raises Right leg
12 - single leg bridge hip raises Left leg



Going into plank:
12 - plank push-ups (facing away from wall, feet against wall, hands on the ground)
 

12 - plank to handstands (in plank, facing away from wall, feet against wall, walk feet up so your body becomes vertical)


12 - side plank (in plank but on one forearm in side plank)


1 minute - plank hold (facing away from wall, feet against wall, hands on the ground)





Face away from Wall:
12 - Right leg lift in wall sit (R leg lifts, L leg is 90 degrees, butt & back against wall)
12 - Left leg lift in wall sit (L leg lifts, R leg is 90 degrees, butt & back against wall)
1 minute - figure 4 Left leg in wall sit
1 minute - figure 4 Right leg in wall sit
12 - R leg lunges (Left foot against wall, Right knee lunging)
12 - L leg lunges (Right foot against wall, Left knee lunging)
1 minute wall sit (both knees 90 degrees, butt & back against wall)


figure 4 @top left picture, wall sit @top right, and single leg lifts @bottom left (single leg lift hold @bottom right)


wall lunges






repeat whole workout x2

Tea for your sickness

I noticed that a lot of people are sick as of late... Well I've got something for you.



Try this awesome tea - specifically for colds. Got from my fitness buddy Adil:

• 1 cup of boiled water
• 1/4 tsp ground tumeric
• 1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp ground ginger
• 1/2-1 tsp honey
• 1 Tbsp lemon juice

Vegetarian Paella with Red Peppers & Chickpeas

Serves 4



1 cup short-grain brown rice (See Recipe Note)
Hefty pinch saffron (about 8 strands)
6 cups vegetable broth
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 large yellow onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
1 red bell pepper, sliced
1 yellow bell pepper, sliced
3/4 cup crushed tomatoes, fresh or canned
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1/2 tablespoon hot paprika
1 cup green beans, trimmed and halved
3 artichoke hearts, sliced (fresh, frozen, or canned)
1 cup cooked chickpeas
1/4 cup peas, fresh or frozen
1/4 cup chopped parsley, for garnish (optional)
Salt and pepper

Bring 3 cups of water and a hefty pinch of salt to a boil, add the rice, and cook for about about 20 minutes, or until the rice begins to soften. Drain and set aside. (Par-boiling the brown rice speeds up the overall cooking time.)

Combine saffron threads and 3 tablespoons of warm water in a small bowl and set aside. Bring the broth to a simmer, then reduce the heat and keep at a low simmer until needed.

Meanwhile, heat the olive oil in a large cast iron skillet, and sauté the onions until soft and fragrant. Add the garlic slices and peppers. Cook until soft, about 7 minutes. Mix in the crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, hot paprika, saffron threads (along with the water), and season generously with salt and freshly cracked pepper. Let it cook for a few minutes.

Make sure to have your vegetable broth simmering nearby. Fold in the green beans, artichoke slices, and chickpeas. Then stir in the par-boiled, drained rice. Ladle the simmering broth over the rice. Bring to a boil and simmer for 20 minutes, or until the rice is tender and the liquid has evaporated. A few minutes before the rice is fully cooked, scatter the peas over top. Sprinkle with parsley just before serving.

Recipe Notes
Paella with Traditional White Rice: If you'd prefer, use a traditional short-grain white rice for this dish, like Bomba or Valencia. If using white rice, there's no need to par-boil and you only need 3 cups of broth.

the Avodilla (avocado instead of queso)

Avodilla
Serves 1
A Vegan Snack



1/2 teaspoon virgin coconut oil
1 medium lavash wrap

1/2 medium avocado, sliced
1 teaspoon maple syrup or agave syrup

Pinch sea salt




1. Melt the coconut oil in a skillet over high heat. 

2. Place the lavash wrap in the skillet and let it soften and warm for a minute. 

3. Layer the sliced avocado down the middle of the warm lavash and fold over into third to seal in the avocado.

4. Drizzle the sweetener over the lavash as it toasts on the hot pan. 

5. Flip once. The lavash is ready when the edges start to brown and bubble.


6. Add a pinch of sea salt over top and slice to serve.